What's Your Real Name?

I am so sick of customers asking 'So, what's your real name?'
Here is my new way of dealing with the stupid question:

Customer: So, what's your real name?
Me: Guess
Customer: hmm, Sarah?
Me: Close
Customer: Sara?
Me: YES!
Customer: What!?
Me: How did you guess that!?
Customer: Weird! What?! No, Seriously-
Me: That is so weird! How did you guess that?
Customer: I don't know, it just popped in to my head-
Me: We must have some kind of connection or something...

(Sara is not my real name.  A convincing act of surprise keeps the money rolling because we MUST have a special connection if he guessed my real name!)

... Is that mean? Lying? Is that stringing him along?
No!
The way I see it is that he's paying me for a memorable experience, and that's exactly what I gave him. He'll be talking about how he guessed a strippers real name for months !

Size Matters!

As I am weaning my little boy, I face a problem. My right breast has more milk, and is considerably larger than the left.
All week I have been feeding Oliver from my left breast, trying to stimulate the milk supply, whilst trying to lesson the milk supply in the right to make her shrink.
However, Oliver is not very impressed, because he (understandably) prefers the larger right side.

Before work, I face the dilemma: do I feed Oliver on the right (larger) side and the left side will leak during the night? Or do I feed him evenly on both sides and the right will be larger than the left?

.. At the moment I avoid dancing with a front-on view of my breasts until the even out- this may avoid people noticing the size difference!

.... I have thought about telling people that I'm lactating- it would definitely be a conversation starter (or stopper), but it feels strange having Billie talk about Laura's baby. I want to avoid mixing my baby and my work as much as possible.

Fluids and Attraction: The Pros and Cons of Lactating whilst Stripping

Pros:

•   Mother Nature's Boob Job:

I've gone from a B cup to a D cup!

•   Weight management:

Every time you sit down to breast feed, you can loose up to 500 calories! 

•   Pheromones:[1]


If men are attracted to menstruating women, I believe that breast milk has the same effect. If babies can smell their mothers milk, then I'm certain there is a subtle scent that sub consciously draws in men! These pheromones trigger Freudian Nostalgia linked to the mother's breast and the action of 'suckling'. I am constantly amazed at how many male and female customers, comment on how hey would love to suck, lick, taste or eat me. There is undeniably an oral fixation linked to sexual desire- and it's not a huge leap to link this to breast feeding. 




... So breast feeding not only enlarges my breasts, and helps me keep my weight down, but it also gives me that 'x-factor' of pheromones that magnetizes men ! 


Cons:

•   Costume Concerns:

As my breasts fill up with milk throughout the night, my boob size changes (from a C to D to DD!) This means it is a challenge to choose costume that fits! (Nipple slips are very common- especially during inverts on the pole)

•   One boob is bigger than the other:

 Depending on what side I have fed Oliver that night, or depending on how quickly my boobs are filling up with milk- one side is usually bigger than the other! To make this less obvious, I try to move my body on an angle and avoid being front-on during dances.

•   Leaking:

 I have done many dances in the early hours of the morning where I am strategically wiping away drips as I dance ! This usually happens around 5 in the morning, and I can tell that my baby is at home waking up! Fortunately the lights are so dim that no one notices. Also, by about 5am, I am usually dancing for men who are so drunk or high, they wouldn't notice anyway.

---

[1] Pheromone: An agent secreted by an individual that produces a change in the sexual or social behavior of another individual of the same species; a volatile hormone that acts as a behavior-altering agent. (http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=12896)


 

Billie to Laura to Billie...

The Nightly Fake-Tanning Ritual

Laura drowns in brown.
Oozing from a tube,
Billie is born!

It's not about staining skin,
It's about sheltering Laura.
A smeared lock on her diary.

Arriving home I jump in the shower,
Water peels back the pages.
My final show for my favourite customer.

The Beginning

Avocados

 As I said before, Avocados (like most things in nature) have the potential to be nourishing- but also have the potential to be poisonous. 

 At this stage of my life, I find stripping to be a nourishing profession... but this has not always been the case..

 When I first started working I was a single, struggling student, who had scrounged enough money for a plane ticket to New York, but had no way of saving enough for accommodation, living money, or to pay off my $10, 000 credit card debt. I needed money fast.

 I had been attending pole dancing classes for about 12 months when I decided to look in to stripping.  I wouldn't say I have a particularly high sex drive, but I have always been drawn to the gritty, glamourous, unspokenly talked about world of strip clubs! I had the interest and the skills- soon I was wiggling naked in front of an Indian man with my first $20 in my garter.

 The club that I was working at had a reputation for being 'the best': clean, no touching, respectable clientele and safe. However, no matter how honest a place is on the surface; any job that places young girls in confronting situations, with large amounts of money and alcohol is asking for colour.

...The first six months I worked 4 nights a week at the strip club, 4 days a week in a low-paying retail job, and 3 days at University studying full time. I was running on next to no sleep.
I did enjoy the job when I first started, but I think my main problem was that I was juggling too many jobs and I was burning out.  I worked beyond the point of enjoying it, and I strongly believe that to be a good stripper, you have to enjoy it! After all, a customer is not just paying because they want to see you naked, they are paying because they want to spend time with you. Generally if your energy tells them that you don't want to spend time with them, then they won't want to spend time with you. Simple!

Six months in, and although I stayed away from chemical assistance to keep me awake- I was drinking a lot, and becoming increasingly sleep deprived.
I was seeing someone, but I wasn't taking it seriously.
My boobs were growing and sore. He told me massage and sex made your boobs grow... I didn't know if that was true, but I chose to believe it and ignore the fact I missed my period.

While picking up eyelashes at the pharmacy I thought I may as well try a pregnancy test...
The first test was positive.
The second was positive.
The third was positive.

I went to a different pharmacy to buy the forth test:
It was positive.

Walking home, I turned back and bought another test...
It was positive.

I went to the doctor and cried.
I then went back to the forth pharmacy and bought folate and pregnancy vitamins.
My eyes were still red and the girl behind the counter looked at me sympathetically...
I never went back to that pharmacy.


I was petrified when I found out I was pregnant. I had a road trip planned around America and I was making money from my body- it wasn't the right time! But, like an avocado, there was poison, and there was nourishment. And like an avocado, life was about to take me on a journey of being ripened, sliced, smooshed, bruised, cut open and enjoyed.

Not You're Ordinary Exotic Dancer

I would like to dedicate this to all breast feeding strippers:
May you never leak on your tan, or squirt a customer in the eye.

I have been lactating and dancing for three months now.
Reoccurring questions:
'Are you JUST a dancer?'
'Do you have a boyfriend?'
'What else do you do with yourself?'
'Why does a girl like you have a job like this?'

...It has become extremely apparent that men (and women) are quite interested in the girl behind the stage name.

My usual answers are:
'I'm between relationships. I live alone in an apartment and I love to play with my pussy (pause) I have a little kitten named Stephanie.'
or
'I never leave. All the girls live here in a giant jacuzzi out the back. We have pillow fights and play with shaving cream and melted chocolate all day.'
or
'If I walk out the front door I evaporate. I'm just a figment of your imagination.'

... these answers are not the truth.
The truth is that while I'm sitting on their lap, naked- I wonder if they have a freudian urge attracted to the smell of my breast milk?

I'm not you're ordinary stripper:
I don't drink (much)
I don't take drugs
I exercise and I make sure I see the sunlight everyday
I eat well
I'm studying to be a Naturopath
I am in a committed relationship
and I have a nine month old baby

I recently learnt that food generally looks like the part of the body it's good for. This can be traced back to the days of hunter/gatherers, when people gathering food could develop an understanding of its' benefits.  For example, walnuts look like a brain, so they are good for the brain. When an avocado is cut in half, it's profile looks like a pregnant woman, so that means avocados are good for pregnant women. I also read somewhere that the red dye from avocado seed is dangerous for pregnant women and should be avoided! There is goodness and poison in everything-  in everyone. Balancing our yin and yang is the key to happiness.

Some people may see my life as conflicting, but I see it as harmonious. I feel balanced, happy and although I never predicted my life to be like this, I have landed in a whirlwind of extraordinarily imperfect perfection!